Monday, March 13, 2006
Sometimes It Is Better To Be Wrong
So last week I went out with the ex-love. Much more than an ex-lover (some), ex-girlfriend (less but still numerous), an ex-love is few and far between. Reminds me of "A Bronx Tale" (every man has three great loves), well last week's meet was with number 2 on my sequence. Even if it ended there, dayenu (trans. "it would have been enough").
I thought I wanted to touch her again, physically, but I was wrong. What I really wanted was to remember what is was like to laugh with her. There was a time in the beginning when that was all we did-- laugh. We learned so much from each other.
But I was immature in such matters and despite having a rudimentary understanding of love, I didn't understand how to make love coincide with life. Love in a vacuum is much easier than love ensconsed in life. And when we broke up badly, my support network knew it. I told them all the tawdry details through self-slanted glasses. Now, we can never get back together, even if that is what we wanted, for friends and family will never allow me to forget.
Last week, however, was the perfect "non-date" date. There was innocent flirting and great stories and both of us were listening intently, actually giving a shit what the other was saying. And I told her that she was number 2 on my "Bronx Tale" list, not in the hopes of winning her back, just in the hopes that it would make her happy.
And most importantly, I apologized. I apologized for the little things but most importantly, I apologized for the one thing I had wanted to apologize for ever since I said it. I apologized because what I said was a lie. And it was uttered for one reason, to hurt her. So I apologized and told her it was a lie. She said, "do you know that was the reason we broke up?" In truth, there were 1000 reasons we broke up, this was just the straw that broke the proverbial back.
Two days later, I went out on a blind date. I was really excited coming off my non-date to ex-love, feeling rejuvenated about the possibility of finding number 3. What a fucktard (thanks Forksplit) this chick was. Spent two hours with this woman and it was like an interview. I'm sorry, that is belittling an interview. At least at the end of an interview, the candidate has some questions for the interviewer. This was simply a Q&A. I asked every question under the sun and got brief answers or drawn out stories, but never felt that she wanted me to contribute to the exchange.
At least I had better luck this weekend, two women, who both appear to be fantastic possibilities. But I fucked up, twice. I put the ball in their court and have to hope that they call/email. Should have taken the first steps. On the flip side, if they do contact me, then I know it's "on like Donkey Kong." Let you know how it turns out.
I thought I wanted to touch her again, physically, but I was wrong. What I really wanted was to remember what is was like to laugh with her. There was a time in the beginning when that was all we did-- laugh. We learned so much from each other.
But I was immature in such matters and despite having a rudimentary understanding of love, I didn't understand how to make love coincide with life. Love in a vacuum is much easier than love ensconsed in life. And when we broke up badly, my support network knew it. I told them all the tawdry details through self-slanted glasses. Now, we can never get back together, even if that is what we wanted, for friends and family will never allow me to forget.
Last week, however, was the perfect "non-date" date. There was innocent flirting and great stories and both of us were listening intently, actually giving a shit what the other was saying. And I told her that she was number 2 on my "Bronx Tale" list, not in the hopes of winning her back, just in the hopes that it would make her happy.
And most importantly, I apologized. I apologized for the little things but most importantly, I apologized for the one thing I had wanted to apologize for ever since I said it. I apologized because what I said was a lie. And it was uttered for one reason, to hurt her. So I apologized and told her it was a lie. She said, "do you know that was the reason we broke up?" In truth, there were 1000 reasons we broke up, this was just the straw that broke the proverbial back.
Two days later, I went out on a blind date. I was really excited coming off my non-date to ex-love, feeling rejuvenated about the possibility of finding number 3. What a fucktard (thanks Forksplit) this chick was. Spent two hours with this woman and it was like an interview. I'm sorry, that is belittling an interview. At least at the end of an interview, the candidate has some questions for the interviewer. This was simply a Q&A. I asked every question under the sun and got brief answers or drawn out stories, but never felt that she wanted me to contribute to the exchange.
At least I had better luck this weekend, two women, who both appear to be fantastic possibilities. But I fucked up, twice. I put the ball in their court and have to hope that they call/email. Should have taken the first steps. On the flip side, if they do contact me, then I know it's "on like Donkey Kong." Let you know how it turns out.
# posted by fragle21 @ 2:21 PM 
